Endings are hard, but sometimes beginnings can be harder. I am a SAHM of two toddlers. boys. wild, crazy, silly, stubborn, lovely boys. But it is so much more than babysitting. feeding, cleaning, laundry, oh how i hate laundry. it NEVER ends. baths, naps. Then you feel awful if you're not teaching them things every day. Like there are parents out there who teach their 4 year old to read already. REALLY? I kept them from breaking an arm today and coerced them into spinach with their smoothly. I think it was a win today. But no it never does seem enough does it? no mater what you do, there is always more. More cleaning, more teaching, more manners, more patience. Oh how I need more patience. Ever feel like you just weren't made that way? seriously I don't think i''m hard wired for a massive amount of patience. it just isn't there. maybe that space is already full of things like Friends quotes and Gilmore Girl movie choices. I don't know. I do know that this "system" I have doesn't seem to be working. well its working but more in a squeaky gears, needs a tune up kind of way. how to fix it? Hell, I have no idea. Do I need a better routine? yeah probably. but I also need them to sleep past 6:30 if I'm expected to be productive for an entire day. So where do we go? not sure. I can't drive (thank you blindness) so regularly scheduled anything is virtually impossible. Do i want to contribute more? sure. but to get into daycare I have to have a job to pay for it. To get a job I need them in daycare. also, I'm not really excited about the prospect of a 9$/hr sales job just to cover the crazy cost of childcare. So I guess my searches into the great expanse of online business begins. I have friends in Lularoe, Beach Body, 31, Sentsy, Jamberry, Younique... I'm sure the list is possibly actually endless. It seems they are everywhere. for everyone. well almost everyone. I never saw myself as an online sales, pitching product (even great product) kind of girl. So for now, I'll continue my search for whats next. inwardly and outwardly. Things will change. eventually. I just have to figure out which direction I need to head first...